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Analysis of the Haiku structure

the grey sound
of a boat's emptiness
cold dawn rain

le son gris
du vide (de la coque) d'un bateau
pluie d'aube froide


Sandi Pray, USA
cco 2016-01-1

Commentaire.

Haïku tout en perception physique. Couleur, sons, sensation. Tout s'accorde pour donner une impression générale. Il ne dit rien. On pourrait dire "so what?" Mais non, tout réside dans l'atmosphère crée implicitement pour faire quelque chose de fort. A remarquer, une structure avec césure en L23. Et la difficulté de le traduire en français.

Keywords

boat rain grey color sound

Structure of this haiku.

Used techniques :

* multisens - Synestesia - Multi-senses perception.
Haïkus using effects on several senses (hearing, touch, taste, vision, smell). They play on the phenomenon of resonance between feelings (Synesthesia). This device usually produces strong haikus because they are physical.

* atmosphere - Atmosphere.
Something emerges from all the elements that constitute haiku: a climate, an atmosphere. The author does not state this explicitly. It is the reader who reconstructs it from his or her own experience.

This is especially true in three-segment haiku, also called "grocery list". But this effect can also be achieved in other ways.

The mention of feelings related to the weather and taste adds a multisensory dimension to the atmosphere created.

* juxtaposition - Juxtaposition.
Use of images placed side by side to create an effect superior to that of each separate image. It is not a resonance effect as in similarity but rather a composition effect as in a painting or still life.

As the juxtaposed images have no or very few common semes, they compose a new global image in relation to its components.

* meteo - Meteo used to create an atmosphere.
Use in a haiku segment of a reference to the weather (weather conditions) that provides more than just the mention of the weather as a background. The reference refers to a state of weather that has physical (cold rain, sudden hail, frost,...) or psychological (overcast sky, storm warning, sultry afternoon...) effects. These effects are mainly felt through the skin (contact, temperature,...); which connects the author/reader to the World (his direct environment).

The mentioned weather and its effects share a set of semes (brutality, unpredictability, "cold", psychologically oppressive climate,...) with the situation experienced by the author.

A sudden and unpleasant change of situation shares semes (brutality, unpredictability, impact) with a sudden storm, hail, cold rain. A hard time to live, a disappointment, with a cold rain. An overcast weather before the rain shares with a moment when we fear the occurrence of events that we fear.

Although the meteo is often used as a marker (kigo - word of season), it sometimes brings more than just the place in the season or the context of the moment.

* S21 - Caesura between L2 and L3.
Caesura between L2 and L3.

All the author's haikus >>>