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Analysis of the Haiku structure

aw nicht eein
the muin -
snail's perfit siller circle

all night contemplating
the moon -
snail's perfect silver circle

toute la nuit à contempler
la lune -
le cercle parfait d'argent de l'escargot


John McDonald, Scotland (UK)
cco 2016-04-2

Commentaire.

Curieuse analogie entre le rond de la lune à la blancheur argentée et celui de la trainée de l'escargot. Ils partagent tous deux la lenteur et l'étrangeté. Yugen aussi dans ce qui les rapproche pour l'auteur. Un haïku très ouvert. On pourrait lui reprocher le déséquilibre des lignes mais cela ajoute encore de l'intérêt au discours. Il y a en effet comme une hésitation marquée par une pause à la fin de L2.

Keywords

snail moon

Structure of this haiku.

Used techniques :

* avis - Opinion given by the author.
The author tells his/her views or an explanation. The speech is not neutral at the first level of reading/writing. This is not a haiku where the author explains to the reader what he or she should understand, usually completed and of no interest. Here, the author gives an indication that is part of the elements of the discourse in addition to the others and that is not a redundancy (redundancy, precision, explanation).

* juxtaposition - Juxtaposition.
Use of images placed side by side to create an effect superior to that of each separate image. It is not a resonance effect as in similarity but rather a composition effect as in a painting or still life.

As the juxtaposed images have no or very few common semes, they compose a new global image in relation to its components.

* simili - Similitudes.
Use of images with common semes. The sharing of common semes (qualities, characteristics) makes images reinforce each other. There is resonance because the mind makes the relationship between the two images.

A cup of tea and a lake share the fact that they are an expanse of liquid surrounded by a rim. We can "see" the image of one in the other.

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