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Analysis of the Haiku structure

blisk iz daljave
kos trga meso
z zrele češnje

distant lightning
a blackbird tears flesh
from a ripe cherry

éclair lointain
la blessure d'un merle
sur une cerise mûre


Polona Oblak, Slovenia
cco 2016-06-1

Commentaire.

Une variante sur le schéma alliant météo et cuisine. Le motif ne porte pas sur un aliment que l’on va consommer (café, douceur…) mais sur un fruit. Juxtaposition avec un lien fort entre l’éclair (tranchant le silence) et la blessure causée par le bec (tranchant). L’aspect "mûre" se lie à l'atmosphère d'avant l'orage, où l'atmosphère, les nuages mûrissent avant de craquer.

Keywords

thunderstorm bird fruit cherry lightning

Structure of this haiku.

Used techniques :

* meteo - Meteo used to create an atmosphere.
Use in a haiku segment of a reference to the weather (weather conditions) that provides more than just the mention of the weather as a background. The reference refers to a state of weather that has physical (cold rain, sudden hail, frost,...) or psychological (overcast sky, storm warning, sultry afternoon...) effects. These effects are mainly felt through the skin (contact, temperature,...); which connects the author/reader to the World (his direct environment).

The mentioned weather and its effects share a set of semes (brutality, unpredictability, "cold", psychologically oppressive climate,...) with the situation experienced by the author.

A sudden and unpleasant change of situation shares semes (brutality, unpredictability, impact) with a sudden storm, hail, cold rain. A hard time to live, a disappointment, with a cold rain. An overcast weather before the rain shares with a moment when we fear the occurrence of events that we fear.

Although the meteo is often used as a marker (kigo - word of season), it sometimes brings more than just the place in the season or the context of the moment.

* simili - Similitudes.
Use of images with common semes. The sharing of common semes (qualities, characteristics) makes images reinforce each other. There is resonance because the mind makes the relationship between the two images.

A cup of tea and a lake share the fact that they are an expanse of liquid surrounded by a rim. We can "see" the image of one in the other.

* atmosphere - Atmosphere.
Something emerges from all the elements that constitute haiku: a climate, an atmosphere. The author does not state this explicitly. It is the reader who reconstructs it from his or her own experience.

This is especially true in three-segment haiku, also called "grocery list". But this effect can also be achieved in other ways.

The mention of feelings related to the weather and taste adds a multisensory dimension to the atmosphere created.

* - Atmosphere.
Something emerges from all the elements that constitute haiku: a climate, an atmosphere. The author does not state this explicitly. It is the reader who reconstructs it from his or her own experience.

This is especially true in three-segment haiku, also called "grocery list". But this effect can also be achieved in other ways.

The mention of feelings related to the weather and taste adds a multisensory dimension to the atmosphere created.

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