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Analysis of the Haiku structure

year’s end
the grave remains
dark as ever

fin de l'année
la tombe reste
sombre comme avant

fin de l'année
les restes de la tombe
toujours aussi sombres

John Hawkhead, UK
cco 2018-09-1


Deux traductions possibles vérifiées avec l'auteur. 'Remains' a deux significations. 1) la tombe est toujours là. 2) L'auteur parle des restes du mort.La première version de la traduction est une métaphore basée sur le mot 'sombre'. La seconde est plus dure, l'auteur parle des os noircis du cadavre. Voici un bel exemple d'écriture à plusieurs sens de lecture, ou comment réutiliser le texte pour dire plusieurs choses simultanément en exploitant au maximum l'espace réduit du haïku. A bien étudier.


New_Year cemetery grave

Structure of this haiku.

Used techniques :

* atmosphère - Atmosphere.
Something emerges from all the elements that constitute haiku: a climate, an atmosphere. The author does not state this explicitly. It is the reader who reconstructs it from his or her own experience.

This is especially true in three-segment haiku, also called "grocery list". But this effect can also be achieved in other ways.

The mention of feelings related to the weather and taste adds a multisensory dimension to the atmosphere created.

* archetype - Active archetypes.
Active presence of archetypes that have determined relationships between images. These archetypes are structures that have aggregated seeds (meanings) and are patterns inherited from the collective unconscious. These are the models that we use to organize our perception of the World.

* avis - Opinion given by the author.
The author tells his/her views or an explanation. The speech is not neutral at the first level of reading/writing. This is not a haiku where the author explains to the reader what he or she should understand, usually completed and of no interest. Here, the author gives an indication that is part of the elements of the discourse in addition to the others and that is not a redundancy (redundancy, precision, explanation).

* feuilleté - Multilevel discourse, layered haiku.
Haikus with two (or more) reading levels. A first objective level referring to a situation, another underlying level saying something else. The Chinese are fond of this type of discourse with many levels.

These various levels may be conscious or unconscious.

We find a little bit of this technique consciously applied in the weather haiku. The weather element can be understood as an mention to the weather and as the element that creates the atmosphere of haiku.

The two levels of discourse are conscious and disjointed and well visible in haiku tanka, of which they form the two parts. However, they overlap in the layered haiku.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator

* pivot - Pivotal element.
Use of a pivot element as a link between two different parts of the haiku. This element belongs to both parts.

* xxx - Undefined appeal.
Haïku having something undefinable that deserves further study.

Archetypes and dialectics

* A_Mort - Death.

Contexte de mort (deuil, décès, cimetière...) ou pulsion de mort (guerre, violence...).

* T_Immobile - Frozen Time.

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