tempslibres - free times haiku database

Analysis of the Haiku structure

twilight—
a puff of smoke
from a passing train

crépuscule-
une bouffée de fumée
d'un train qui passe


sage stone, USA
cco 2019-02-1

Commentaire.

Curieux haïku d’atmosphère. Son attrait provient d’une évocation d’un objet du passé, le train à vapeur ou alors de lourdes diesels tirant ces immenses trains américains. L’image est indécise, ce qui lui donne sa force dans la phase de liage. J’y trouve aussi le motif du train qui passe dans la Nuit (qui vient), évoquant les archétypes du Voyage, de l’Espace.Motif fréquent dans la littérature et la chanson (Richard Anthony) On peut aussi y voir à l’oeuvre la Dialectique du Moi versus le Monde, un des bases de notre perception de notre place dans le monde. A remarquer : le minimalisme du discours. Juste poser des éléments sur la table et laisser l’effet se produire.

Keywords

dusk train

Structure of this haiku.

Schema and motifs :

Schéma :
  Motif : mmm087 -

Used techniques :

* atmosphere - Atmosphere.
Something emerges from all the elements that constitute haiku: a climate, an atmosphere. The author does not state this explicitly. It is the reader who reconstructs it from his or her own experience.

This is especially true in three-segment haiku, also called "grocery list". But this effect can also be achieved in other ways.

The mention of feelings related to the weather and taste adds a multisensory dimension to the atmosphere created.

* opposition - Images in opposition.
Images with a group of opposite senses. The images are in opposition to each other. However, the opposite semes are grouped into dialectics. A dialectic is composed of opposite semes, like the two sides, poles of the same grade.

For example:
- Top and Bottom.
- Inside and Outside
- Big and Tiny

* yugen - Yugen.
Yugen is a concept of Japanese aesthetics that can be expressed as deep, mysterious, dark, troubled.... In criticism of Japanese poetry, he expresses a subtle depth of things that are vaguely evoked in the poem.

* xxx - Undefined appeal.
Haïku having something undefinable that deserves further study.

* court-metrage - Undefined appeal.
Haïku having something undefinable that deserves further study.

* archetype - Active archetypes.
Active presence of archetypes that have determined relationships between images. These archetypes are structures that have aggregated seeds (meanings) and are patterns inherited from the collective unconscious. These are the models that we use to organize our perception of the World.

* fin - Final element give the clue.
A detail at the end reveals the real meaning of haiku.

* meteo - Meteo used to create an atmosphere.
Use in a haiku segment of a reference to the weather (weather conditions) that provides more than just the mention of the weather as a background. The reference refers to a state of weather that has physical (cold rain, sudden hail, frost,...) or psychological (overcast sky, storm warning, sultry afternoon...) effects. These effects are mainly felt through the skin (contact, temperature,...); which connects the author/reader to the World (his direct environment).

The mentioned weather and its effects share a set of semes (brutality, unpredictability, "cold", psychologically oppressive climate,...) with the situation experienced by the author.

A sudden and unpleasant change of situation shares semes (brutality, unpredictability, impact) with a sudden storm, hail, cold rain. A hard time to live, a disappointment, with a cold rain. An overcast weather before the rain shares with a moment when we fear the occurrence of events that we fear.

Although the meteo is often used as a marker (kigo - word of season), it sometimes brings more than just the place in the season or the context of the moment.

Archetypes and dialectics

* A_Voyage - The Travel.

Le voyage, la migration... Lié à la Route qui elle est plus en potentialités que le Voyage qui est action.

* A_Espace - The Space.

* A_Passe - The Past.

* A_Nuit - The Night.

La nuit primale, avec son obscurité, ses "dangers", ses mystères et nos peurs millénaires.

* T_PassePresent - Bubble of Past.

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