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Analysis of the Haiku structure

overnight snow
his side of the bed
untouched

(neige de la nuit
son côté du lit
vierge)


Debbi Antebi, UK
cco 2019-02-2

Commentaire.

Difficulté de la traduction d'un haïku aussi fragile, dont la force repose sur le choix des mots impossible à rendre en traduction. C'est aussi un haïku avec un discours superficiel (neige, lit) et un niveau profond beaucoup plus difficile à saisir dans ce cas. La force de ce haïku réside justement dans l'incertitude sur le discours profond. A étudier.

Keywords

morning snow bed loneliness

Structure of this haiku.

Used techniques :

* meteo - Meteo used to create an atmosphere.
Use in a haiku segment of a reference to the weather (weather conditions) that provides more than just the mention of the weather as a background. The reference refers to a state of weather that has physical (cold rain, sudden hail, frost,...) or psychological (overcast sky, storm warning, sultry afternoon...) effects. These effects are mainly felt through the skin (contact, temperature,...); which connects the author/reader to the World (his direct environment).

The mentioned weather and its effects share a set of semes (brutality, unpredictability, "cold", psychologically oppressive climate,...) with the situation experienced by the author.

A sudden and unpleasant change of situation shares semes (brutality, unpredictability, impact) with a sudden storm, hail, cold rain. A hard time to live, a disappointment, with a cold rain. An overcast weather before the rain shares with a moment when we fear the occurrence of events that we fear.

Although the meteo is often used as a marker (kigo - word of season), it sometimes brings more than just the place in the season or the context of the moment.

* simili - Similitudes.
Use of images with common semes. The sharing of common semes (qualities, characteristics) makes images reinforce each other. There is resonance because the mind makes the relationship between the two images.

A cup of tea and a lake share the fact that they are an expanse of liquid surrounded by a rim. We can "see" the image of one in the other.

* fin - Final element give the clue.
A detail at the end reveals the real meaning of haiku.

* court-metrage - Final element give the clue.
A detail at the end reveals the real meaning of haiku.

* feuilleté - Multilevel discourse, layered haiku.
Haikus with two (or more) reading levels. A first objective level referring to a situation, another underlying level saying something else. The Chinese are fond of this type of discourse with many levels.

These various levels may be conscious or unconscious.

We find a little bit of this technique consciously applied in the weather haiku. The weather element can be understood as an mention to the weather and as the element that creates the atmosphere of haiku.

The two levels of discourse are conscious and disjointed and well visible in haiku tanka, of which they form the two parts. However, they overlap in the layered haiku.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator

Archetypes and dialectics

* D_IntExt - In <> Out.

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