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Analysis of the Haiku structure

year’s end
the grave remains
dark as ever

fin de l'année
la tombe reste
sombre comme avant

fin de l'année
les restes de la tombe
toujours aussi sombres


John Hawkhead, UK
cco 2018-09-1

Commentaire.

Deux traductions possibles vérifiées avec l'auteur. 'Remains' a deux significations. 1) la tombe est toujours là. 2) L'auteur parle des restes du mort.La première version de la traduction est une métaphore basée sur le mot 'sombre'. La seconde est plus dure, l'auteur parle des os noircis du cadavre. Voici un bel exemple d'écriture à plusieurs sens de lecture, ou comment réutiliser le texte pour dire plusieurs choses simultanément en exploitant au maximum l'espace réduit du haïku. A bien étudier.

Keywords

New_Year cemetery grave

Structure of this haiku.

Used techniques :


* atmosphère - Atmosphere.
Something emerges from all the elements that constitute haiku: a climate, an atmosphere. The author does not state this explicitly. It is the reader who reconstructs it from his or her own experience.

This is especially true in three-segment haiku, also called "grocery list". But this effect can also be achieved in other ways.

The mention of feelings related to the weather and taste adds a multisensory dimension to the atmosphere created.

The atmosphere is mostly characterized by slow or motionless time.

Effects: liasen - Binding with sensorial feelings.


At the level: 1-surf - Surface level
Discourse, surface structures, content, subject, style.

Description level: 3-suj - Subject, content


* archetype - Active archetypes.
Active presence of archetypes that have determined relationships between images. Archetypes are structures that have aggregated semes (meanings) and are patterns inherited from the collective unconscious. These are the models that we use to organize our perception of the World.

e.g. Night, Fire, Death, Fall, Frontier...

Night: gloomy, dark, cold, threatening (lack of visibility of potential dangers), dangerous (legacy of ancient times), loss of Light, linked to the Unconscious through dreams and nightmares, silent world, mysterious, unknown, populated by fantastical beings.

Effects: liainc - Binding to the Unconscious


At the level: 2-prof - Deep level
Deep and non explicit structures, active objects of the unconscious.

Description level: 6-inf - Active infrastructure (archetypes, dialectics)


* avis - Opinion given by the author.
The author tells his/her views or an explanation. The speech is not neutral at the first level of reading/writing. This is not a haiku where the author explains to the reader what he or she should understand, usually completed (structural element 'clos') and of no interest. Here, the author gives an indication that is part of the elements of the discourse in addition to the others and that is not a redundancy (redundancy, precision, explanation).

It gives a view on one of the elements of the situation.

Effects: liavec - Binding to the reader's experience.


At the level: 1-surf - Surface level
Discourse, surface structures, content, subject, style.

Description level: 3-aut - Author's role


* feuilleté - Multilevel discourse, layered haiku. (foliated)
Haikus with two (or more) reading levels. A first objective level referring to a situation, another underlying level saying something else. The Chinese are fond of this type of discourse with many levels.

These various levels may be conscious or unconscious.

We find a little bit of this technique consciously applied in the weather haiku. The weather element can be understood as an mention to the weather and as the element that creates the atmosphere of haiku.

The two levels of discourse are conscious and disjointed and well visible in haiku tanka, of which they form the two parts. However, they overlap in the layered haiku.

Surface : x---------------------------x
======
Depth: x----------------------------x
(x------------------------x )

- Two parallel speeches with sharing semes.
- Horizontal caesura/break (=)
- The author says something on the superficial level and something else on the deep level. These two discourses are linked by a sharing of semes.
possibly several different deep discourses
- Deep discourse: parallel - structural element: concordance
- Deep discourse: independent - structural element: discordance
- structural element: foliated
- the "foliated" structural element is always an explicit construction of the author.
- the foliated often leads to the concordance between surface and deep discourse. The deep discourse is then another aspect of the surface discourse.

Effects: reinter - Reworking at the end.


At the level: 1-surf - Surface level
Discourse, surface structures, content, subject, style.

Description level: 2-trait - Style,subject handling


* pivot - Pivotal element.
Use of a pivot element as a link between two different parts of the haiku. This element belongs to both parts.

Effects: liadyn - Binding with dynamics effects


At the level: 1-surf - Surface level
Discourse, surface structures, content, subject, style.

Description level: 2-trait - Style,subject handling


* xxx - Undefined appeal.
Haïku having something undefinable that deserves further study.

Effects: liainc - Binding to the Unconscious


At the level: 2-prof - Deep level
Deep and non explicit structures, active objects of the unconscious.

Description level: 5-strp - Deep structure (schemas, patterns, cultural, associations, similarities)

Archetypes and dialectics

* A_Mort - Death.

Contexte de mort (deuil, décès, cimetière...) ou pulsion de mort (guerre, violence...).

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